And why do they email me about it all the time?

P.S. I cut and pasted the vouchers onto Paint and then printed out the vouchers only, saved a bundle on ink cartridges. If you want Tobbo's version, leave me a message with an email addy and I'll mail them to you.

Just visit them for your nearest venue and have a scoop on the 29th of April! Yum!

Anyhoo, they are selling everything with a 21 percent discount today,  and we had had an eye on an Ektorp sofabed to replace the sorry thing we have in our living room; with a potential saving of over 180 pounds who could resist?

So, having endured a 22 hour travelthon, we decided to wake up the next morning at first light and make our way to IKEA on the North Circular. Three (THREE!) hours later we were the proud owners of a spanking new sofa (subject to delivery). Oh, and a new Tobbot post

So, here are my ten reasons NOT TO EVER VISIT IKEA:

1. Over a thousand people are in the place at any one time, thus ensuring that you don't so much as browse but shuffle through their shop-displays,

2. Their charming manner of labelling everything in Swedish (what the hell's a 'Beddinge' when it's at home anyway?) confuses the heck out of me!

3. The layout: a great way for IKEA to ensure that you see everything they sell. It also disorientates the unwary, leading to Grumpy Husband Syndrome. This is when after wandering through aisles of similar-looking tat, your male-half starts to grouse at every turn. What started off as an agreeable interchange of stimulating ideas about your new bedroom degenerate into, "just tell me what you want and I'll buy it!" This is easily remedied by sitting Grumpy Husband in a corner with a mug of tea and a copy of the Sun.

4. Funny how that simple yet charming idea can cost so much.

5. And the stuff you really like is the most expensive in the range.

6. Only once you've queued to order it, queued yet again to pay for it, and finally, queued at the external depot to pick it up, the man at the counter tells you they're out of stock, and he'll arrange a refund.

7. Once you have finally taken it home, the flat-packed table is missing a leg and three screws. Taking it back, they offer a refund. Only problem is, you've opened the pack. Which attracts a 30% service charge.

8. Once assembled, the furniture can never be disassembled again, as it will never fit quite as tightly.

9. The North Circular. On a Saturday. With a pounding headache. And it's hot.

10 The fact is that of all the crappy furniture stores in the country, you know in your heart of hearts that IKEA do produce good stuff, and it's reasonably priced. It's just that the whole process is so soul-destroying...

...and you know you'll go back again. Soon.

Kill me now.

Tobbot, aka Tobstv

Only this time, we decided to add to our challenge by including 7 wee infants on our easyflight back. Luckily none of them were mine, though you should have seen our faces as their parents wheeled them one by one into the waiting lounge at Edita airport. I also decided to drink plenty of strong black coffee while on the train, thus ensuring complete insomnia and minor hallucinations.

I successfully managed to confuse my friend who was supposed to come and pick us up from Luton by not telling him whether I meant midday or midnight! Come the hour, he couldn't make it so instead of a 45 minute journey back home by car we had to travel by coach to Central London, and then take a tube and another bus to get home, adding another 3 hours (and 50 pounds in travel costs) to our 22-hour travelthon.

At least there was Chinese takeaway to make up for our strife.

So, lessons learnt:

1. Use those earplugs I brought! (No, I don't know why I decided not to)

2. Give a couple of days for emails to get to your obliging mate, and mention the time clearly!

3. Keep an emergency takeaway menu somewhere handy; saves me having to trek there to place the order.

4. Avoid travelling altogether by burning my passport.

Well, what started as an innocent plane journey from Heathrow to Bangkok, via Moscow, 17 years ago, has now become a bi-annual pilgrimage to Mrs Tobbot's birth place, the city of Minsk, Belarus, part of the now-defunct USSR.

View Larger Map

Back then, I was tall, slim and in Mrs Tobbot's word, "very,very hot and exotic." She was 15 (!) blonde, and I was smitten from the moment I laid my eyes on her. She still is fantastically gorgeous, and knows how to press my 'on' buttons everytime.

Let me know if it works out! (I think you need to print out the largest size.

Tobbot, aka Tobstv